There are essentially two kinds of family. In both cases they love you and you love them. But ultimately you either have a family who values you and wants to make you feel good or you have a family who makes you feel empty after a visit. 

Unfortunately I have the later. It doesn’t mean they hate me. I came to terms with their coldness recently. Because no matter my desire to clear the air they rather make it a battle of right or wrong than care. 
They however often resent me. Never to make me feel like a valuable member of their family. They make excuses. Often that I did this to myself. Partly that’s true. 

However, I often wonder if I am always ready to accept you why can’t you accept me? 

My heart doesn’t break anymore. My heart doesn’t ache. I just make sure to hide my feelings and create a silent happy place. Allowing for my children to never feel the awkward hurt and neglect with senseless isolated shame. I do care for you family but the way you make me feel like I’m less always leaves a distinct emptiness.

Advertisements